I’ve been doing some Remodeling

I just wanted to update y’all on what I’ve been doing since my big shift in how I want this blog to exist and how I want to reach you. I’m trying to stay away from Facebook, other than my Facebook Page for this blog (which you should give a like and a follow to keep up with all my latest posts). You can even follow along on my Instagram for more photos and stories that don’t necessarily need a full on post.

Also, I’ve created a new page on the website for photos that I’ve found particularly significant for me or relate to posts I write; I hope you enjoy them. A lot of the stories I tell you just don’t have images; it’s kind of hard to take a photo of my mind in the throes of madness; but I do occasionally catch a part of life here that’s worth sharing.

Overall, I want this blog to grow to be more than just a place for me to vent and pour out my soul. In a therapy session, I thought of a great metaphor for what I’ve been doing, and how I need to change my approach. For a long time, I’ve just been emptying the vessel that contains all my sorrows and pain and putting it out on these pages. Sometimes I just shatter the whole damn thing and cut myself with the shards to remember what it was like to feel the pain.

There’s a different way though.

In Japan, there’s an art form called Kintsugi, where you take the broken parts of a piece of pottery and fill the cracks with gold. It’s part of a greater philosophy of embracing the beauty in the imperfect, in accepting the the flaws in an object. By bringing together the pieces, you can create something beautiful and unique that could never have existed if the pot had stayed unbroken. You can see each individual part and the role it plays in the whole; whereas the unbroken vessel is uniform, and you cannot see where each piece matters in its own way.

I’m probably oversimplifying an amazingly deep and culturally significant art form, but it really speaks to me. I broke myself when I was in the hospital, and I’ve spent the past six months trying to put the pieces back together. I’ve been trying so hard to make myself into what I was before; but that can never happen. I need to learn to be okay with my flaws, and even find beauty in being different.

This blog is my way of putting back those pieces, of looking at each one and seeing where it fits best. I want to devote more time to figuring out how my life goes forward from here, and I know that this medium has a role to play. I am not just writing for myself, I am writing for you, and I am hoping that you see in me the beauty in how imperfect I am.

I love to write, and this has been an amazing journey so far. I’ve reached thousands of people with these posts, and it amazes me that people care about what I have to say. I’m making all of these changes, making the site look better, adding features, and writing more because I want these posts to be the gold that binds my parts together.

There’ll be more changes ahead, and I’m looking forward to them for the first time in my life. I am afraid of what might happen to me, but I know that if I speak my truth that’s all that matters in the end. If I was gone tomorrow, I’d be proud to know that I at least left this behind. That I have more than words on some website, but that I’ve actually reached you out there, wherever you are in the world.

Keep posted on what’s coming, because I promise you things will only get better from here. Much love from the Holy Land, and here’s to hoping to see you again soon.

Categories mental health, Uncategorized

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